Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Will Feature Bodacious Beach Bod, But Who?

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth isn’t out until early next year, but ahead of the game’s launch it’s been rated and reviewed by the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB). Turns out the Teen-rated RPG will contain a “bodacious beach bod.” The question is: Who’s rocking that body?

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, coming exclusively to PS5 on February 29, 2024, picks up after the events of 2020’s Final Fantasy VII Remake and is the next entry in Square Enix’s three-part Final Fantasy VII remake project. We’ve already seen a few trailers for the upcoming RPG, but we’ve learned a bit more about Rebirth thanks to a newly posted rating description on the ESRB’s official website.

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The ESRB’s rating description explains that some women in the game are “designed with revealing outfits” including “deep cleavage.” The ESRB also states that Rebirth contains “suggestive dialogue” and close-up shots of characters’ bodies. It points to one example where the camera pans to someone, presumably wearing a revealing outfit, who then says: “Just admit it. You’re obviously captivated by my bodacious beach bod.”

Now, the way the ESRB describes this makes it impossible to say who has (or thinks they have) a bodacious beach bod. So who, among the cast of FF7 characters, seems the most likely to say they have a bodacious beach bod? Place your bets now!

Other secrets revealed by the ESRB

The ESRB’s rating description of Rebirth also confirms that at least one character will be “impaled” by a sword in slow motion. Famously, and beware spoilers for a game released in the ‘90s, Aerith was killed by sword-wielding Sephiroth in the original game. You could describe what happens in that original sequence as “slow motion,” too. It seems the new remake sequel will do the same. The question is, who gets stabbed this time around?

In October, Rebirth director Naoki Hamaguchi promised a “big surprise” during that famous, iconic death. But he didn’t elaborate beyond that tease. Does he mean that someone else will get stabbed in slow motion? Perhaps nobody gets stabbed and Sephiroth just misses and runs away embarrassed. Or would it be really surprising to stab Aerith and trick everyone into thinking you wouldn’t do that this time around? Maybe someone just has a vision of a slow-mo stab. I’m not sure, really.

Oh and finally, the ESRB confirms that some characters get drunk and slur their speech and you’ll hear people say shit, asshole, and prick. I can’t wait!

Here’s the full ESRB description for FF7 Rebirth, coming February 2024 to PS5.

This is an action role-playing game in which players follow the story of a mercenary (Cloud Strife) on a quest to save the planet from evil. Players explore fantasy landscapes, perform missions, and battle monsters and soldiers in frenetic melee combat. Characters use swords, staffs, guns, and magic spells to fight monsters and human soldiers; combat is highlighted by impact sounds, cries of pain, and explosions. Cutscenes depict further instances of violence, sometimes with splatters/pools of blood: characters impaled or slashed by swords, sometimes with slow-motion effects; an assassin throwing a spinning blade at a targeted figure; characters shot by soldiers.

Some female characters are designed with revealing outfits (e.g., deep cleavage); suggestive dialogue sometimes accompanies camera panning/close-ups of characters’ bodies/outfits (e.g., “Just admit it. You’re obviously captivated by my bodacious beach bod.”). The game contains some alcohol content: as Cloud, players can drink a version of moonshine while at a bar; cutscenes sometimes feature drunk characters slurring their speech. A handful of scenes depict characters smoking cigars or out of hookahs. The words “sh*t,” “a*shole,” and “pr*ck” appear in the game.

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