I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.
– Mark Simmons
I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back.
– Alec Snook
Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful.
– Alex Kitson
I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it.
– Arthur Smith
I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.
– Mark Simmons
My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes.
– Olaf Falafel
British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons?
– Chelsea Birkby
I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it.
– Masai Graham
My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had.
– Zoë Coombs Marr
The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati.
– Olaf Falafel
I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’.
– Sarah Keyworth
I’ve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I’d never bought her that vineyard.
– Roger Swift
Gay people are very bad at maths. We don’t naturally multiply.
– Lou Wall
Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher.
– Sophie Duker
Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people.
– Olga Koch
Why makes this Joke funny?
1. “I was going to sail…”
The joke plays on the double meaning of “bottled it,” which means to lose courage, and “bottled” referring to something being placed in a bottle, hinting at the idea of a “ship in a bottle.”
2. “I`ve been taking salsa…”
The humor lies in the literal interpretation of the phrase “one step forward, two steps back,” which is often used metaphorically to describe lack of progress. In salsa dancing, this is a common dance move.
3. “Ate horse at a restaurant…”
The joke uses a pun on “mane,” which refers to the long hair on a horse’s neck, but here it is humorously mistaken for “main” (course of a meal).
4. “I sailed through my…”
“Sailed through” typically means to do something easily, but the joke twists it by implying the person was literally sailing, not driving, leading to a failed driving test.
5. “I love the Olympics…”
The joke is a play on words. “Ran with it” is a common phrase meaning to take an idea and develop it further, but in the context of a relay race, it`s a pun on actually running with the baton.
6. “My dad used to…”
The joke is a pun on the word “volumes.” Pints, gallons, and liters are measures of volume, and the phrase “speaks volumes” means to convey a lot of information.
7. “British etiquette is confusing…”
The humor contrasts societal norms. It`s considered cultured (“highbrow”) to appreciate nudity in art but inappropriate (“lowbrow”) in casual settings like a pub (Wetherspoons, often called Spoons).
8. “I wanted to know which…”
The joke is a clever take on the age-old philosophical question of which came first, the chicken or the egg. The punchline “cracked it” is a pun, referring both to solving the riddle and literally cracking an egg.
9. “My partner told me…”
The humor is in the reference to the term “gaslighting,” which means manipulating someone into doubting their own memories. The joke implies the speaker is gaslighting their partner about the movie, making it darkly humorous.
10. “The conspiracy theory about…”
This joke combines a silly conspiracy theory (the moon is made of cheese) with a play on the word “Illuminati,” a famous conspiracy group, replacing it with “hallouminati,” a pun on halloumi cheese.
11. “I’m an extremely emotionally…”
The joke humorously merges the concept of personal pronouns with the comforting phrase “there, there,” often used to console someone, implying the speaker is very emotionally needy.
12. “I`ve got a girlfriend…”
The joke plays on the double meaning of “whining” (complaining) and “wine” (the alcoholic drink). The pun lies in the homophones “whining” and “wining,”.
